Interpersonal Communication of Married Couples Through the Ta'aruf Process in Palu City

Ta'aruf is a process of exploring or introducing prospective husband or wife partners based on Islamic law. The objectives of this study are: 1). To determine the role of ta'aruf mediators in mediating married couples through the ta'aruf process carried out before marriage. 2). To find out the process of searching for information carried out by married couples before marriage through the process of ta'aruf. To dissect the substance of this study, the author uses Charles Berger's Uncertainty Reduction Theory in analyzing the process of finding information on married couples through the process of ta'aruf. The method used was a qualitative approach involving 11 informants consisting of 4 married couples who had been married through the ta'aruf process and 3 ustad, which were determined purposively. The results showed that: Passive strategies carried out by ta'aruf couples include observing the personal biodata of prospective partners, observing secretly when there are formal meetings such as when attending lectures, studies, and organizational meetings. The active strategy carried out by ta'aruf couples is to actively ask mediators (ustad or ustadzah), close people of the prospective spouse, parties who have been married through the process of t a'aruf, and seek information through social media about the personality and daily life of the prospective partner. An interactive strategy carried out by ta'aruf couples by meeting and talking directly with their potential partners before deciding to get married. The topics discussed are related to, things that are liked, discussing various things related to marriage such as vision and mission, number of children, things to be achieved in the future, in this communication is not allowed to discuss the disgrace of each spouse.

to him according to law or by those authorized to do so.Otherwise, for example in a state of insanity or underage, for them, they can act as their legal guardians (Aryanto, 2016).This is an absolute condition that must be passed and must not be violated because it is based on ajara or Islamic religious rules.
Today, when viewed based on the actions of society in general, to be able to achieve a happy and harmonious marriage, both male and female couples must go through four social institutions as a process of stages, namely: first, dating institutions; second, courtship; third, mate selection; fourth, marriage institutions (Samsinar, 2023).The four stages are a series that are interrelated and related to the formation of a family.So ideally, if the four stages are passed, it will form and create a happy family, because both parties have had intense social interactions to get to know each other and investigate the personalities of each of them and compare carefully about their temperament, interests, and ideals in order to test the alignment of the couple in everything so that it is not difficult to make adjustments.
But in fact in society related to dating institutions, it causes many problems.Individuals carry out dating activities under the pretext of exploring to find and recognize the ideal and suitable partner for each party, conducting regular meetings (Alberti & Emmons, 2017).Regular meetings result in opportunities that arise randomly or through planned opportunities Satan will always accompany two non-mahram people when they are together.Western culture imported through soap operas, films, and other media has become a mecca for today's teenagers.Parties in American-style homes until Japanese-style virginity graduations become the dream of teenagers, so that free sex is rampant (Collén et al., 2013).
Based on existing reality, it is not surprising that nowadays many teenagers or adults are found who carry out their marriages starting with the process of ta'aruf.The ta'aruf process is a process of exploring or introducing prospective husband or wife couples based on Islamic shari'a (Awaris & Hidayat, 2017).Among the advantages of this process is that it prefers the self-honor of its practitioners from approaching and having free sex because there are intermediaries who bridge the interaction of its practitioners, so that practitioners cannot be alone directly to get to know each other freely and further their potential partners.
Usually, the initial process of ta'aruf is to exchange information not directly but with the intermediary of biodata between candidates given to the mediator.This third party or mediator acts as a mediator between the two prospective spouses who later must have an agreement and a series of other processes that must be carried out.This concept basically seems strange and certainly full of risks if the formation of a family does not go through the stages as mentioned by Narwoko & Suyanto, (2010), let alone given restrictions in the exploration process.In plain view, the exploratory process with a short time both from social interaction and in making decisions to get married, will most likely lead to potential conflicts and will lead to divorce in the household, due to the lack of knowing each other and investigating the personalities of each of them and the lack of comparing carefully about their temperament, interests, and ideals in order to test equality with the couple.However, this is usually done by certain Islamic communities or religious groups known as the ta'aruf process, (Narwoko & Suyanto, 2010).
In the process of seeking information based on Islam, the intensity of communication and faceto-face processions is very limited, making it difficult for them to practice and understand each other, thus causing uncertainty between potential partners (Abdullah & Mohamed Osman, 2018).This uncertainty causes anxiety and fear in a person to realize a relationship in the form of marriage.
Therefore, an information-seeking strategy is needed when carrying out Ta'aruf activities to increase the certainty of marriage realization.
The phenomenon of marriage through the process of ta'aruf between men and women certainly has a difficult time in decision making and must have mature and planned readiness.According to Berger in Littlejohn & Foss, (2010) when we communicate, we make plans to achieve our goals.We plan our communication with others based on our goals as well as the use of information we have about others.The more uncertain we feel, the more alert we become and the more dependent we become on the data available to us in those situations.In a state of very high uncertainty, we become increasingly aware and careful of the plans we carry out.When we feel very uncertain about others, we tend to be less sure of our plans and make contingency plans, or alternative ways of responding to them.
The aforementioned exposure states that information is very important in interpersonal communication because information affects one's perception of others and in turn perception affects the ways people communicate.So this study wants to find out how married couples go through the process of ta'aruf in finding information about their respective partners before marriage while when they carry out the process of ta'aruf, they are required to keep their views and control their passions (bound by Islamic religious rules).
The phenomenon of marriage in the process of ta'aruf in Palu City is basically interesting to be investigated in the study of communication science.This is because of the research problem that occurs that: when initially exchanging information through a mediator, basically each partner feels anxious or hesitant about his potential partner.Anxiety that occurs is certainly a problem that must be solved properly through a communication process bridged by a mediator.
Based on the background above, which explains the dynamics in undergoing the ta'aruf process for prospective married couples, the author intends to examine the process of finding information for married couples through the ta'aruf process.

METHODS
The method used was a qualitative approach involving 11 informants consisting of 4 married couples who had been married through the ta'aruf process and 3 ustad, which were determined purposively.Data collection techniques through observation and in-depth interviews as well as descriptive qualitative data analysis (sugiyono, 2019).

RESULTS AND DISCUSSION
Based on the research objectives, the results and discussion include two things, namely: first, describing the condition of the barista variable (X) and consumer loyalty variable (Y) individually, and second, analyzing the influence of the barista variable (X) on consumer loyalty (Y) quantitatively.The results and discussion, as follows: Barista variable condition (X) and consumer loyalty variable (Y) Calculation of score values on variables X and Y, based on primary data obtained from survey results, which are then recapitulated and calculated.The calculation results were carried out based on Table 2a and Table 2b, the results were obtained: the score value for variable X was 1,650 from an expected score of 1,800 or 92% and for variable Y was 1,727 from an expected score of 2,160 or 80%.
The score value can be interpreted that the condition of the barista variable (X) in the category of "very capable" or "very competent" in carrying out its role in coffee shop The research findings are grouped based on the stages of ta'aruf, namely 1).Communication with Mediator (Ustad/Ustazah); 2) the stage of self-exchange of biodata; and 3) The Prospective Partner Communicates Directly by Presenting a Mediator.The stage shows that the search for information in the Ta'aruf process is carried out in accordance with Islamic principles, namely, communicating with mediators, through exchanging personal biodata, communicating directly accompanied by mediators and through social media and the surrounding environment (Utamy & Widhiastuti, 2020).
The man or woman who wants to marry initially conveys his wishes to the mediator (ustad for male candidates and ustazah for female candidates).Not only discussing the desire to marry through the ta'auf process but also exploring information related to ta'aruf with the benefits of ta'aruf marriage.
The goal is to convince themselves, foster self-confidence and strengthen well the mindset of ta'aruf practitioners in order to remain consistent in marrying ta'aruf.The process of finding information by asking directly to people who are considered to know it in the context of information retrieval theory is called active strategy.In the context of uncertainty reduction theory, the process of asking each other, dialoguing each other to obtain information about others is categorized as an active strategy.As according to (Neuhauser et al., 2013): active strategy is done by asking others about someone you want to know and manipulating the environment in such a way that the target person is easier for you to observe.

Writing Personal Biodata as Verbal Communication
For every candidate who wants to marry ta'aruf, generally they write a personal biodata.The information written is related to the full name, occupation, number of siblings, illness suffered, and criteria for potential spouses.Basically, the message written in the personal biodata is informative.
Through the exchange of personal biodata, the information reaches each partner who has been determined by the mediator as revealed by the informant (mediator) that the personal biodata is well analyzed, identified to further determine who is suitable with whom.After the biodata is exchanged based on the decision of the mediator, the prospective bride and groom then observe and study the personal biodata of their respective prospective spouses.The process of searching for information through observing self-biodata in the context of ta'aruf marriage is also a form of active strategy information search.
Prospective Spouses Communicate Directly by Presenting a Mediator.
To avoid violations in the teachings of Islam, each prospective spouse is allowed to communicate directly but by presenting a third person either ustad or ustazah.This direct communication is carried out after the informant agrees with the potential partner set by the mediator for him.
The initial information obtained through the exchange of biodata made the informant decide to continue ta'aruf activities through direct communication.Some informants in this direct communication were not initially face-to-face between men and women, but there were barriers such as barriers or curtains.In this direct meeting, prospective couples exchange information related to vision-mission, responsibility in fostering a household, education, parenting patterns and other positive things.It is not allowed to talk about the disgrace of the past.
Interactive strategies include self-disclosure which is an important strategy for actively disclosing information, because if you reveal something about yourself then others are likely to do the same (Wardhani et al., 2019).
Information search with this Interactive Strategy is important for a person before deciding to get married by meeting and talking directly with his potential partner.This interactive strategy is carried out when direct communication occurs between the two brides-to-be facilitated by the mediator.It's fun to find someone who looks like us so we can share common origins, interests, and experiences.The more similarities the more the two like each other (Wardhani et al., 2019).Researchers found that communication becomes easier when informants and their ta'aruf partners have something in common.The informant's interest in the couple increased when he found many similarities while interacting in person.
Completing Information Through Social Media and the Surrounding Environment In today's increasingly sophisticated technological era, everything can be solved in practical ways.With this rapid technological advancement, the saying that "the world is not as wide as moringa leaves" should turn into "the world as wide as moringa leaves" this is due to the faster access to information in our daily lives.
One common way to find out about someone today is to Google them-see what information you can get by searching through cyberspace.Related to the results of this study showed that some informants searched for information related to their potential partners through social media.
Information obtained through social media is his daily activities, how to dress, how to make up and who he is friends with.Utilizing social media to find information about potential partners in the context of information retrieval theory is called an active strategy.
In another context, couples who already knew each other before deciding to marry conducted information search with an active strategy by asking family, close family, close friends, and neighbors.
The information obtained is related to the nature, behavior, and habits of potential partners in living a community life and how to treat those around them.Furthermore, the search for information on active strategies is also carried out on people who have been married with the process of ta'aruf, because informants believe that knowing the home life built through ta'aruf can increase self-enthusiasm for doing ta'aruf.The more often a person interacts with others, both with mediators, family, family members, friends and married people ta'aruf, the less uncertainty they experience (Turner et al., 2019).
CONCLUSION Conclusions related to information retrieval strategies carried out by married couples through the ta'aruf process arePassive strategies carried out by ta'aruf couples include observing the personal biodata of prospective partners, observing secretly when there are formal meetings such as when attending lectures, recitations, and organizational meetings.The active strategy carried out by ta'aruf couples is to actively ask the mediator (ustad or ustadzah), close people of the prospective spouse, parties who have been married through the process of t a'aruf, and seek information through social media about the personality and daily life of the prospective partner.An interactive strategy carried out by ta'aruf couples by meeting and talking directly with their potential partners before deciding to get married.Interactive strategies include self-disclosure activities which are important strategies for actively disclosing information.The topics discussed are related to, things that are liked, discussing various things related to marriage such as vision and mission, number of children, things to be achieved in the future, in this communication is not allowed to discuss the disgrace of each spouse.